Wednesday, August 12, 2009

At the end...

Lord, I need forgiveness. I sometimes feel that being at the end of my rope, the end of my patience or the end of the night gives me the right to be snippy and mean. I expect too much of my kids and offer too little. Why do I so often find myself here? Why do I end the day on such a rushed, angry and frustrated note? It is clear to me every night that I need your grace. And tonight is no different.
I pray that my attitude and words did not hurt my children. I pray that they did not soak in any of the venom I was spewing. Please let there be a divine padding around their hearts tonight, protecting them from my poor decisions and my short temper.
And please change my heart. More and more each day, change my heart. Chisel away the rough marble until something beautiful is exposed. Overwhelm me with your love, and teach me to do the same for my children. Teach me how to be a loving, wise, decisive, fair, merciful and consistent parent. And forgive me, Lord. Oh, forgive me. I have let my heart walk away from you and my kids paid for it tonight. I come back to you on my knees, confessing my failure and needing your grace. Oh, and please, please, please bless my children with hearts of understanding and forgiveness also. They are such beautiful gifts...please don't let my mistakes scar them.
Thank you for the grace you so freely give this sinner...the worst of all.
In Jesus Name, Amen

1 comment:

  1. Lord, I ask this exact same prayer! I had that exact same day yesterday, and it ended UGLY. I am reminded of Romans 7:19 "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."

    Why do so many of my days end like this? Why do I find myself back in this spot, and like Heidi, find myself feeling like I deserve to behave this way for tolerating all the chores of being a mom. PLEASE, Lord, change my heart. Change my actions. Allow me to accept my challenges as a mom with grace and joy. Let me find laughter and joy in these challenges and let them roll off my back and for my children to see nothing but love and grace in me.